Today Lee and I had our meeting with our pallative care nurse. We are utilizing this service to help us keep focus on the quality of life during my treatment for extending my life. If left unchecked, medical procedures too often destroy the essence of life in futile efforts to prevent death. A lose-lose situation in our view. Today’s meeting was a review of my first chemo experience, more of a relationship building meeting. The hard decisions may be down the line as treatment progresses.
Tonight Lee and I watched a film on Netflix, “Hector and the Search for Happiness”. I highly recommend this film. Laughter and tears bundled with a bit of fluff, a touch of sentiment and a happy ending. As Lee can confirm, I do like happy endings. It is easy to get distracted with all the cancer crap and lose sight of happiness; anxiety and fear is not a condusive environment for happiness. Even though we are not in a happy situation, we are finding happiness every day. Two fat sweet dumb cats, great friends and neighbors and our love for each other is a breeding ground for happiness. I feel blessed for that.
Perhaps the most intensely happy day of my life was in 1992 on a twisty mountain road in the Oregon Cascades. A beautiful dry sunny spring day, while rounding a corner the road was covered with gravel and I lost control. The car spun toward the edge of the cliff, I was to alter the course only to discover that now I was heading directly at a semi truck. It seemed an eternity those few seconds as I propelled toward the truck. Then the collision, watching the front end of my car collapse in slow motion, a surreal experience. I knew I was a dead man. But after it stopped, I wasn’t dead. I didn’t even have a scratch. When I realized that I was indeed alive, every pore of my being was grinning ear to ear. Boy was I HAPPY!
Twenty-three years later I once again find myself in a life threatening situation. My pores are ready to grin again.